Not the Wedding Kind

Hey Everyone,

I know its been ages since I've written in my blog so I thought to myself, why not indulge my favourite fans again. I apologize for the hiatus I've taken but let me tell you, there is a shitload of stuff pissing me off so here it comes.

First of all, this weather BLOWS. It's freaking cold outside, my social life has been shot to shit, and all I want to do is hibernate in my room. So naturally I look forward to taking a bubble bath to get rid of the ice that has begin to accumulate in my veins. I hum in anticpation as I pour my deliciously scented bath products into the swirling inferno of my tub. I jauntily disrobe myself, clamor into the tub and......start shreiking like a banshee. That's right folks. Lets talk a little about poor circulation. In my haste to overcome my bout with hypothermia I forgot that my feet were so cold that when I put them into the water it would feel as if they had been set on fire with a blow torch. Yes cold feet really suck :(

Another thing that has greatly upset me is the lack of good drivers on the road. Normally I shudder at using the adjective 'good' in a sentence but really, there are a lot of dumb motherfuckers on the road right now. What really pisses me off are the people who have a broken tail light. It absoloutely drives me insane. Normally if you rear end a car, regardless of the situation it will always be your fault since you hit another car from behind. In the case of the one lighted lepers (as I like to refer to them as), I think you should be awarded for putting them out of their misery. Are you braking or changing your lane? Make up your fucking mind! Oh, whats that? You cant? Your tail light is broken? Here let me help. *evil grin* There are some advantages to driving an SUV folks.

Apart from that, my life has been about as normal as it gets...which isn't very considering its me. I'm enrolled in a GMAT prep class where my instructor is a complete TWAT. How can you teach someone to write an essay when you spell 'argument' as 'arguement'. Get a fucking dictionary for fuck's sake.

Oh *note to self* - people lie.... a lot....and blatantly to your face.
I'm done now

- nj

Visual Stimulation

Warning, this post contains mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised!

How I wish they had signs like that in the Ryerson computer lab to warn me of the atrocities that take place there. This is how the story unfolds...Late one January evening, I was in the business building computer lab working away on a Communications assignment that was long overdue. Since it was nearing 10 pm, the computer lab slowly emptied out until myself and another young man (who will remain unnamed but for argument's sake we will refer to him as X) were left as the sole occupants. Now, I was sitting in the middle of the lab, while X was seated in the corner behind the door where he would only be seen if you were to pass by him while exiting through the 1st door. As I was letting my creative juices flow ( otherwise known as BSing) I was pleasantly surprised to receive a phone call from a close friend of mine. If you've seen my phone (Sony Ericsson W800) you know it's pretty pimp, and my phone ringer is quite distinct (Dr Dre Still Dre) and that its quite loud. The point I'm trying to make is that its quite obvious that the other person in the lab (X) heard my phone ring, heard me converse, and was basically aware of my presence in the lab.

But this did not deter him.

After a few minutes on the phone I decided my assignment was pretty lack lustre so I decided to wrap things up and call it a night. Feeling happy that I could finally leave the Ryerson campus, imagine my surprise when I walked by X's computer, ready to wish him good luck in his endeavours, when my eyes were assaulted by an onslaught of vulgar images. Yes ladies and gentleman, I caught X looking at porn in the Ryerson computer lab. The funny thing is that he had 3 screens of it going at the same time and really...it wasnt even that great. Then he tried to cover it up by minimizing all the screens, but really it was to no avail. Without thinking I blurted out to him "Shouldn't you save that for later?"

Needless to say I dont leave home without a bottle of hand sanitizer anymore.

nj

my brain needs a band-aid

With every stressful exam period comes a riveting blog entry to accompany it. One thing I would like to bring up at this time is the misinterpretation of abbreviations. Lets start with some common terms. For example "LOL" - laugh out loud. "BRB" - be right back. Easy enough right? "TTYL" - talk to you later. "ROFL" - rolling on the floor laughing, and so on & so forth. Now people use these abbreviations for a reason - usually to shorten the amount of words they have to type so they can convey a message quickly & efficiently. If while on MSN I said brb, I am going to assume that you understand ill be right back in a few minutes.

So then why is that when I clearly have DND writted on my msn name, that people deliberately try to provoke my temper by messaging me with utter nonsense? Do you want to see me have a mental breakdown? Would you like me to block & delete you? Or have the illiteracy rates in Canada risen again? Unless its a life or death situation (and even then I might still get mad) or unless its pertaining to school work (which is why I probably have it on in the 1st place) please refrain from messaging me with idiotic comments unless you really feel like a thorough bitching.

Another thing which I find immensely disturbing is that lack of control people have over the movements of their outerwear & accessories. There I was in the computer lab, trying my best to type up notes for my Financial Intermediation class while diligently ignoring the ridiculous messages I was receiving on msn despite the "DND" written in my name when *wham* my Farah Fawcett hairdo was rudely disturbed by a backpack connecting with my skull. If that didnt bring tears to my eyes then certainly the scent of my neighbours chicken tika masala sure did! If this was a one time event then I would have gotten over it, but the fact that it happened repeatedly & with different objects - a backpack, a jacket, a text book & even a coffee mug. Should I contemplate wearing a helmet to school? But really, the point is that people should take more care with their belongings otherwise I will be forced to rip them out of their hands and throw them out the window. But of course I would say sorry after because I dont want any bad karma :) Funny huh? LOL now STFU!

NJ

classic Nooreen

Alarm Time : 7:30 am
Class Time: 9 am
Actual Wake up Time: 10:45 am

Sleeping through your first day of school: pricless


nj

Bumper Cars

Honestly,
What is it with people and shopping carts? There is some sort of delusional possessive paranoia that's embraces you as soon as your fingers touch the handle. I don't know if its a personal thing? Maybe some people don't have cars so they feel like shopping carts are the next best thing? Maybe they are a defense mechanism? Some people subtly relieve their pent up aggression by ramming into unsuspecting shoppers ( namely me) with their shopping carts...Whatever it is, it's a rapidly spreading phenomenon that must be halted immediately.

Now normally, I'm a calm person.....ok who am I kidding..I can be a tad bit sensitive at times, but most of you will already know that I have issues with personal space. You give me mine, I'll give you yours. Seems fair right? So imagine my surprise when in 2 consecutive events, neglectful shopping cart pushers managed to assault my posterior with their woven wire basket on wheels. Trust me, I was not a happy camper. Here is how the story unfolds.

Situation 1
Time: 11:45 am
Location: IKEA Vaughn (that should explain it all)
Status: Making my way towards the self serve furniture section

Before I convey my story to you I would like to add that I already know my biggest mistake was in coming to Ikea on a Saturday morning. Watching these unruly shoppers fight for the last set of curtain rods was reminiscent of a young buffalo herd traipsing through the plains of the Serengeti. As it was, I was trying to maneuver my cart through a maze of glasses and dinnerware without inflicting damage to myself or my wallet. One thing I should mention is that they need to have some sort od shopping cart drivers ed or stop signs or a traffic control system of some sort. So imagine my chagrin when I encountered this particularly dumbfounding event. Imagine a 4 way stop where all of the cars have failed to stop. Not a pretty sight. I was patiently trying to remove myself from this mess when all of a sudden I was assaulted my a brutal onslaught of thrashings from the cart behind me. I turned around to look into the face of a lady who looked akin to hanging out in a beat up Oldsmobile smoking a pack of DuMaurier King size Lites.

"Would you move from here?", she sneered at me through fuschia encrusted lips, oblivious to the fact that there was absolutely no room to move anywhere at all.
"Well if you be so kind as to stop swinging your cart into me like you're Tiger Woods, I might be able to do something about it" I replied in an equally condescending tone.

Moving on

Situation 2
Time: 2:35 pm
Location: Home Depot
Status: Check out line

For those of you who may not know, Home Depot is one of my favourite places to spend time. I have always secretly harbored a desire to work there and I would like nothing better than to walk around with a tool belt all day. Sadly my dream has been shattered because working there would mean interacting with customers who don't understand the beauty of an undermounted sink and that might send me over the edge. Anyways, I had picked up what I needed and was in the self check out lane. I saw 2 uncles eyeing me suspiciously. They were giving me "the look". The same look you give someone that doesn't know the difference between a galvanized & non galvanized nail. Like come on! Turns out they were looking at me not suspiciously but sneakily, because as my turn came to check out my items they bud infront of me!!! The audacity of it all! Shameless I tell you! What have Uncle Ji's of the Indian community come to!? So I turned around and said to them....
"Excuse me, If you didn't notice, I'm in line here"
"Oh so are we" one of the uncles replied unceremoniously.
"Yeah" I said "The OTHER line" malicious glare notwithstanding, they got the point and moved behind me.

Now if I had known what was about to happen I would have just let them proceed ahead of me. Without further adue, Uncle #2 proceeded to ram the shopping cart into my ass. Repeatedly. This greatly upset me. I whipped around with fury in my eyes and said,
"Uncle Ji, would you kindly stop shoving your cart up my ass!"
"Oh werry sorry miss" came his rather ingenuine reply.

Jeez, some people are outlandishly socially inept

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Monday, July 25, 2005

snack time

So here I am, slogging away over a TELUS Mobility power point presentation (at UTM of course) that is due for my Operations Management class. I feel like my team is totally incompetent, not to mention I feel that a certain team member needs a refresher course on personal space. Its great you feel a sense of camaraderie because we're in the same group, but really I'd be better off pretending you were an ant I just stepped on while i did my Kanye West work out plan :)

Back to the story, I was working away feverishly on this power point presentation when the hunger pangs started. Since Tim Hortons is the only thing 0pen in the vicinity, I decided to grab myself a cup of coffee & a muffin (blueberry for future reference in case you ever want to buy me one). So I was minding my business (the Fresh Prince theme song just popped into my head) munching on my muffin (minus the noisy Tim Hortons bag but that's another story on here somewhere) when all of a sudden I felt the gaze of someone's evil/eagle eye fall on me. Little did I know that I had fallen prey to some larger than life/grim reaper/obsessive compulsive/scheming psychopath...aka the librarian man. Before I could see him, I sensed his hulking mass thundering towards me ready to be the bearer of bad news.

"Excuse me", he said in a high pitched whine.
"Yes", I replied giving him my most innocent look ( a look many of you have come to cherish & abhor all at the same time).
"There is strictly NO EATING IN THE LIBRARY", he said in a condescending demeanor.
"No Problem" I said taking a pause to pop the last bite of muffin in my mouth, "I'm done now anyways" :)

Lesson of the day - never try to separate a girl from her carbs/blueberry muffin when she's hungry or there will be severe repercussions to deal with.

NJ

Saturday, May 21, 2005

"comment of the day"

"easier said than typed"

It's really quite sad how the rapid expanse of msn messenger has caused a significant decline in the use of proper English grammar. I'm sure it wont be long before Bill Gates adds a spell check button to the msn conversation boxes. Speaking of which, I've noticed that at times when I converse with people, I can visualize our conversations in the form of instant messages from MSN in my head. I still haven't figured out if it's amusing or alarming....but I'm sure sitting all alone here in my padded cell, I'll have plenty of time to reflect on it.

Just kidding

NOT!

I cant believe some people still use that expression. Eg: "I just ran over your new puppy! Haha NOT!" I think it's time I remove myself from the evil clutches of today's overbearing society and do something nonconformist like...take a nap.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

read between the lines

So, I've noticed that I have issues with writing. Well not writing as in transferring my thoughts into a legible format but the act of actually picking up a pen and transcribing something onto a piece of paper. For starters I would like to clarify that I have nice writing. Its small & curly and a little difficult to decipher but pretty nonetheless (picture to follow). However, what I have come to notice is that I never write on the lines of the paper. I always write between the lines and never directly on them...odd... Now, being me I am going to attempt to overanalyze and apply this situation to everyday life.

So, here's the correlation. I've noticed that I never read/walk/colour between the lines. I cant walk in a straight line if my life depended on it, does this in anyway relate to me not being able to write on the blue lines. Countless times I have surveyed my blue lined Hilroy paper and wondered why this phenomenon occurs. Could it subconsciously relate to my skewed thinking? They say that the difference between people who are "normal" and people who are schizophrenics is in their ability to process their thoughts. "Normal" peoples' brains act like a sieve; filtering information and processing it in a manner where the brain can accept it. Schizophrenics are not able to do so, rather its like a funnel where they are bombarded with stimulation to the point of sensory overload. I really cant say what category I fall under and if you read my previous posts I'm not sure if you'll be able to either.

Anyways, what's the deal with people invading your personal space. I'm all for hugs and kisses but when someone I don't know or don't particularly care to know invades my personal space, I find myself getting a little upset. The incident that caused me to bring up this subject occurred last Thursday as I was on my way to class to write my communications midterm. Living in Canada, you become accustomed to the cold but its always nice to have a hot drink to warm you up. So there I was in line at Tim Hortons, thinking I would get a cup of tea to help me endure my walk to the building where my class was being held. Now, one thing I absolutely detest is being touched by people who are standing in line behind me. I abhor it. It irks me beyond belief. So there I was waiting patiently in line when the young fellow behind me decided it would be acceptable for him to shove his briefcase into my ass. Repeatedly. Not only that, I had to listen to him inhale his mucus up his nose at 100 km/h. Suffice to say, I was not a happy camper. I turned around and glared at him with the "evil eye": - a look I'm sure I have favored many of you with. I did it once, he didn't get it. I did it again, he didn't get it. Finally after him simulating giving me an enema with his briefcase I turned around and told him that shoving his briefcase up my ass would not get him his medium double double any faster, and would he kindly refrain from making contact with my posterior with his bag unless he would like to have it rammed up his ass.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Observations & Recommendations

An in-depth account of a finance student's experiences while studying for their securities and options exam at 12 am.

Observation #1 - People in the library are loud

I will supplement this observation with an example. At approximately 12:47 am, a young female came rocketing down the library in pursuit of her male companion with the ferocity of a young lion cub attacking its first prey. Clearly this caused a significant amount of commotion and upset several student who amidst all the ruckus were trying their best to focus their attention on the task at hand; namely studying.

Recommendation #1 - don't run in the library

You are not in preschool, you're of the age where (god forbid) you are legally permitted to purchase alcohol. If you're going to run, do it on a treadmill because clearly those TNA jogging pants were a tad too tight across your ass. In other words, if you want attention, start a forum on desi-planet.

Observation #2 - People in the library don't/cant read

I have come to the conclusion that every year the library wastes thousands of dollars creating signs that explicitly tell people to turn off their cell phone ringers and talk softly while in the library. It is with great chagrin that I have deduced that students attending post-secondary institutions lack the reading abilities found in a grade 2 child. Clearly if they possess the basic listening skills that your average elementary school child possessed, they would know to shut the fuck up and let people study.

Recommendation #2 - Have a supervisor on hand

If you are talking loudly/disturbing others while they study, the supervisor will pick up an edition of Webster's Dictionary (hardcover of course) and promptly hurl it at your face. That way, if you're talking on your cell phone you'll probably drop it on the ground. If you are talking to someone else, your face will hurt and you'll shut up. If the supervisor has good aim, he/she will break your nose resulting in you going home/to the hospital.

Observation #3 - People in the library like to eat

By all means, studying is a draining task and the proper nutrition while doing so is often necessary & recomended. Thats probably why vending machines were created - to provide students with healthy fare to fill their bellies and nourish their souls. Some brave souls even venture out into the -30 degree weather, tracking across the icy plains of the UTM campus to reach the closest McDonalds & Burger King. I myself am a fan of the latter and on a few occasions have purchased food items from their establishment to eat at the libray. (Note - this is not done within the actual library premises where i would pose the risk of disturbing others, the actual consumption of food takes place outside of the library in what is known as the "student centre").

Recommendation #3 - Odour Control

Cultural traditions are great and I am sure that many people take pride in them, especially when it comes to what you eat. I understand that the majority of the south asian population is accustomed to eating food that has a very distinct scent to it. But, there is a limit to all things. If you plan on eating any type of curry/biryani withing a 5 mile radius of me, by all means be my guest. HOWEVER, only if you are well equipped with the necessary sanitization products required for the job. i.e.: Lysol extra strength odour absorbing bacteria killing disinfectant spray.


Thus end my observations & recommendations for the early morning hours of Wednesday, February 23rd 2005.

Stay tuned for further strategic solutions to curing your studying angst in a library full of inconsiderate bastards.

nj

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Staring off into space

Staring off into space
Originally uploaded by SleepingBeautE.

hmm i wonder is this actually works

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

sock on fire!

ok so i wanted to take a nap and usually, i read before i go to bed to help me fall asleep

Butmy lamp is really bright and i wanted to dim it so i though let me put something over it, and since my sock was on the ground i decided to use that as a shade.......not a bright idea

Just as i was drifting off to bed i thought something smelled funny, i knew my mom wasnt cooking so i was like what the hell could it be, i got up from my bed and holy mother of god my sock was on fire!!! Then when i tried to pick it up the ashes flew on my hand & burnt me :'(

I cried to my mummy but she almost slapped me for being so stupid :( The parting shot was when she proclaimed, "Well, I'm glad nothing happened to your lamp"

typical guju parent

Friday, February 04, 2005

the life of a black & decker toaster

So I have decided to suck it up and get a loong with my toaster. Instead of toasting my bread and other munchables on the "toast" option I have made the execustive decision to use the oven setting instead. This means no weird clicky noises while my toast is toasting, and an all around better toasted piece of bread. Ok Moving on

Last night at about 1 am, I had an unsatiable desire to have some McDonald's sweet & sour sauce. I was talking to a friend on the phone when out of the blue I said "Dude, I could so go for some sweet & sour sauce". Now if my friend was surprised to hear about my sudden affinity for S&S sauce or how my comment had any relevance to the topic at hand (the superbowl and no, i still have no idea who is playing) i guess i will never know. But once again I have successfully re-established my position as the Queen of Randomness.

I dont really have anything else very interesting to post right now so I guess I'll have to wait for something weird and unimaginable to happen to me in the near future.....that should take all of 5 minutes.

Oh! I thought of something! I think I'll talk about my wipe out in front of Ryerson last Wednesday, but 1st I need to go and blowdry my hair, Ill be back :)

Thursday, December 02, 2004

status update

Ok so its now 3 am and I think I've calmed down a bit but that doesnt change the fact that i still HATE my toaster. Its ruining my life.

I have resorted to eating cereal that looks like it should be in a bowl labelled "Fido"

I hate my toaster!

It's 2:40 am and I think I'm about to cry. I just came home from a particulary draining session of studying. I have to wake up at 7 am for class and i have a finance test at 1:30 and a retail exam at 3:30.

I am RAVENOUS.

There is nothing in my fridge except for peanut butter & eggs, neither of which I'm particularly fond of. Everything good is in the freezer but I hate my new toaster and I'm anti-microwave : My old toaster broke down so my mom replaced it with some state of the art optimus prime look alike toaster. I HATE IT. It makes so much noise and it doesnt toast my bread properly. I think I'm having a bit of a mental breakdown. This whole notion of the noisy toaster is driving me insane.

I think I'll cry now

btw - I hate even numbers

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Do you think the way you eat a sandwich says anything about you? I was watching SNL and eating a chicken sandwich last night when I noticed that the pattern in which I was chewing was quite absurd. For the most part I've noticed through my detailed observations that people usually eat a sandwich "side to side" working their way progressively downwards. But when I looked at the way I was ravenously devouring my sandwich, it seemed as if I was using the bread to create a prototype for a maze. hmmm. Maybe this random chewing pattern coincides with the randomness of my thought process?

BTW, I still dont know how to post pictures on here so as you can see I have opened up a comments section. Any suggestions/tips/psychological counseling would be greatly appreciated.

NJ